stressed out....

Hi blog,
Today I'm feeling a bit stressed out right now and biting my fingernails while thoughts are bouncing around my confused head again.

As my concentration and sleeping seemed to get better after talking with Barb, now around 2 weeks after I am having these problems again. I had to stop and cry for awhile on the way into work again, I guess those anti-depressants aren't all they are cracked up to be.

I'm trying really really hard to avoid all the urges to dress and shave my body and add nail polish and makeup, but it is so hard.  I really keep thinking about HRT and it seems so desirable to me. Of course just mentioning this will get me living alone, and I am trying to push all these thoughts back into the closet and pretend again which makes me even more depressed.

Yes, I have been contemplating calling Barb or looking for hormones online or running away or other bad thoughts as well.  I'm feeling so scared and confused and have nowhere to talk to.  I feel like I am getting so close to losing it all once again, yet I can't make myself act.

Tomorrow afternoon my wife and I are meeting with my 'male' therapist together.  I really don't like him but I am doing this for her sake.  I'm very afraid what I might say at that appointment. I'm very afraid what I won't say at the appointment.  I'm just very afraid.

Please I just need someone to hug me and tell me it is going to be okay.