I am coming more and more to realize that my mind and heart are definitely not in alignment these days.
I've been lying awake and thinking about the what I want to be lately and I feel more tore in 2 different directions than ever before. Part of me wants to slap the other hald around and tell him enough of this foolishness, get it all together and forget all about Jaclyn.. The other half tells me the same thing but to my male self. I hate this inner turmoil that even makes me question my own sense of self-being.
I don't know why but I feel stronger and stronger tull towards the forbidden Jaclyn. Is that a case that I want what I know I can't have? Or is this just my real true self that I can no longer suppress. I feel so totally f##ed up these days and flip from one emotion to another on a dime.
So here's what's on my mind right now. Hair. I keep thinking about how good it felt having my wig on even though I know this isn't my own and only imagining how wonderful having locks of hair to style would feel. I hate my lack of it naturally on my head (and the amount everywhere else) and dream about it so much. I keep thinking of getting another wig but I am afraid that will not be enough. What to do.