Monday, November 25, 2013

holidays approaching

Good monday morning blog,

This week officially starts the holiday season with a busy schedule of Thanksgiving / Hannukah / Christams kick-off slated for the end of the week.  I feel so unprepared and overwhelmed at how everything gets crammed together here, but mostly I have lots of anxiety dealing with family and reconcilation.

Ever since my "coming out" this past year, it has felt really awkward being around my wfe's family. While they say they are supportive and accepting, it still seems like there is an air of cautiousness and unease when I am around in a casual setting with them.  It hurts me sometimes that I think my sister-in-law feels a bit apprehensive and worried of me being around my niece. I guess I can understand that is natural protection instinct on her part, I just wonder if this is start of me drifting further and further away and that makes me sad.

I also have lots of anxieties and issues to work out with my family, not the least of with is accepting that I am definitely not the son they wanted and that's ok.  With Thanksgiving and my Mom's birthday coming up I fell into that guilt trap and send her a bouquet of flowers today.  I wish that I could be closer to her and actually share more, but those things are just empty wishes.

I could really use a warm hug right now and for someone to tell me things are going to be ok.  I did some shopping last week and added to my replenshing wardrobe by adding a cute black dress and a nice causal blouse.  I even tried to expand my color palette by accesorizing with a colorful scarf, which pleasantly suprised me how it helped accent the outfit.  There is a holiday party here in Chicago that I would absolutely love to go to and wear this outfit out to, but that is not possible in the current situation.  I feel like Cinderella waiting on my fairy godmother but I know that fantasy tale is another empty wish of mine.  So I will hunker down and make do keeping up the pretense for another holiday, and perhaps next year will be a different season.

Wishing everyone out there a Happy Thanksgiving.  I am really thankful that I don't have to worry about alot of things in my life that others deal with each day, and we will do our best to help with the local food pantry again for a small token to help those out there.

Hugs,
~jaclyn

1 comment:

  1. Well one down and a few to go. Wishing you had a good Thanksgiving. The food bank thing is a nice thing.
    Do you talk with any of the other ladies posting blogs here. Tammy has a noce site and sounds like a nice person, one who could be a friend with lots of insight.
    Wishing you a happy Dec. and Holidays that come with it.
    Hugs
    Mel.

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