Small steps forward

Hello blog,

Happy news yeserday - the state of Illinois finally got it together and passed the marriage equality law.  It is a small victory and I know many others did more than I with my few calls and emails to to those in congress, but it is time coming for sexual orientation and gender discrimination to end.  But enough of the political soapbox since I usually don't really get all of it anyways.

I had a productive session with my therapist yesterday and lots of talking about acceptance.  It is so had to retrain myself to accept who I am, and I still have lots of questions around that, but I think I am making more progress with her than I did with my last one.  As I am try to think positively, that is a good thing.

But where I seem to be hung up is figuring out who I really am.  Quite silly I must say after all these years on this earth that I still am not quite sure of that.  I am going to try and commit to this self-discovery exercise as it is so hard and I feel so alone here.  Ok, I'm taking my drama queen personna again but I think the next wave of the storm is gathering on the horizon.  I hope that I will have the strength and the foresight to pull myself through it and not come crashing down.  I feel like I have started down this path and can't go back anymore, just try and go forward.

I've written some poetry but of course I forgot my journal at the counselor's office so I will have to hold off on publishing it. Instead I found a good quote that I will include below.  I think that summarizes how I have been feeling for longer than needed for me to turn completely nuts.  Oh well, que sera, sera.
Hugs,
~Jacki

“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
― Ellen Wittlinger, Parrotfish