Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Fall is coming again

Hello blog,
Well labor day again has come and gone and with it the end of the observed summer season. I am always a little depressed when my favorite season is coming to an end and this year is no exception.

To be truthful I am really feeling myself slip further and further down recently and can't seem to help it. I can't really explain to someone how it feels to know all the right things and should just snap out of my funk but that just doesn't happen.  I keep staring at those pill bottles and rooftops and just lie awake at 4am thinking about them. I can't help that or the patheticness that is my existence. I know this means I should go and search out another therapist, but this seems like a fruitless exercise. So what now?

I don't know. I will continue on as always being what I should be. I will continue on and disappoint everyone and myself in the process.  I will continue on until I finally forget to make that last turn in the curve in the road or mix up a nice relaxing drink. I don't know if I have much strength left, and clueless why I ever bother to write.  I wrote several new poems recently and tossed them all this morning realizing what rubbish they all were.  Perhaps that is what I need someone to do to the rubbish that is me.

I will press on as I should.  Later, Jaclyn

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