Wednesday, April 11, 2018

my mantra

Good morning blog,

Tomorrow marks the 1 month anniversary of my hrt restart and to celebrate I got my first blood test results.  I will be reviewing them with the doctor in a few days, but from my research it looks like my testosterone is really low and my estrogen a bit low but still in the ideal range for a cis female.  So if I had to interpret these results, I would say I am already closer to female than male in my levels.  That makes me happy.

Lately, I have been reflecting much and surprised at how fast I feel being drawn more and more to continue to transition.  My mirror phobia has dissipated somewhat I see more of the female side of me when I look into it.  I know these are all mind games but they are the little things that make me happy each day here.  I feel the storm clouds rising as there are some big discussions and decisions to be had soon with my spouse and that still brings me down.  But I have created a simple mantra for myself that I am going to try and start each day and look at when I feel down and at a loss.  I know all long journeys require an enormous amount of little steps, and it is these little steps I am going to try to concentrate on for now.

My matra ~

I am trans.
It is not what defines me but part of what makes me unique.
Today I will have the courage to take one step forward,
and to not let it defeat me if I end up where I began.
I am worthy of love and can be the person I want to be,
no matter of my fears, my struggles and the pain it brings.
My heart is precious just like everyone else's in the world.
And I choose to accept myself and to be the best I can be.

Hope that you have the best of day that you can for you.  Hugs,  Jaclyn

1 comment:

  1. I have a similar mantra I use, albeit it is a shorthand version. As I have been coming out to those very close to me, and I get emotional afterward, or I have a particularly bad day, I simply ask myself: "What is true?" The answer is always the same: you are still trans, nothing is going to change-get on with it!