I continue to feel really down these days but since my therapist thought it would be good to write again I am adding another entry. Despite how I feel that I just want to curl up and die somewhere anonymously I still don't have the strength to go quite through with the act. I can keep cutting myself and counting out sleeping pills but somewhere in the brain stem of my messed up head I stop just short each time.
I wish I had some resolution or some good news or a more positive outlook but I do not. It's like being trans and knowing that I will continue to be this way no matter how many purges, denials and hours I spend trying to be what I am not.
So where am I at then? I don't really know and don't think I have made any progress and ashamed of that. I just feel so pathetic and empty and just ready to give up.
I hate myself so much it just hurts.