Friday, September 2, 2016

pink fog?

Good morning blog,
I think one of the things about dealing with a life of gender dsyphoria is that you tend to read a ton of books, blogs, websites, etc. of others whom have gone down this path before.
Lately I have been dealing with the issue others have termed the 'pink fog'.  Meaning that after being able to feel free and wonderful and spend time as Jaclyn, I am really struggling with the transition back to my 'normal' life again.
Really inside right now I want to not do that.
I am so so tired of playing this charade with others, I feel so fake and ungenuine trying to be what others want me to be.
I only want to be Jaclyn.  Just typing these words makes me feel warm and good inside. There is so much that I want and have no plans or idea how to get there but I want to.  I feel inside that I need to as I feel the other life is choking me away.
Am I totally crazy?  How do I start this conversation with friends, with co-workers with anyone else outside?
I look in the mirror and it feels so revolting and just thinking about it burns me inside.
I need some help, I just don't know how to do that.

3 comments:

  1. Hi Jaclyn. I know the feeling....I hope you're doing OK.

    I featured this post on T-Central.

    Calie

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Calie for the encouragement, each day feels like a struggle and it helps to know I'm not really as alone as it feels sometimes.

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    2. Thanks Calie for the encouragement, each day feels like a struggle and it helps to know I'm not really as alone as it feels sometimes.

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