one month reflections

Good afternoon blog,

It's coming up to a month soon since I restarted HRT and wanted to capture some of the thoughts and feelings I have been experiencing since then.

Physically, I don't have much to report except that I feel my skin has gotten a little softer and some extra sensitivity around my breast region.  My facial features seem a little more feminine but I am wondering if that is the mirror and my brain fooling me into thinking.

The bigger changes has been around the mental state of things.  I started out the first few weeks going up and down a few times and lately have seem to stabilize.  Anxiety and worry for the future seems to come up but I have been trying not too look too far ahead or fret too much.  I look forward to each day more now, and that rush of having the estrogen pill dissolving under my tongue feels like a warm hug enveloping me.  In a way it just feels right thinking that my body is now functioning with the right hormones inside and I struggle how to express this feeling.  One thought I keep having is that I have passed the point of no return now, I feel more that I have truly accepted that not only am I transgender but that I need to transition to a full-time woman someday.  Actually I don't feel like I need to transition more than I feel that I already am a woman inside, and just working on the outside appearances now to play that part.

But those outside appearances seem like a daunting task.  I have talked with my wife about going to a support group and exploring my gender identity further, but have struggled with telling her how I feel transitioning is right for me.  I know I have to do that, but how do I express that to her without ruining her world.  I need to think of my own, and trying to straddle the line in-between is getting more difficult each day.  I'm going to try a support group but have to wait two more weeks for that and that amount of time seems a long way away.

Well, that is how I feel today and will try and check back in here more often.  I feel like there are alot of changes coming in the next few months and I am excitedly scared for these. 

Hugs,
Jaclyn