new patterns

Good morning blog,

After a rainy week, this morning we were treated to sunshine and with that and the spring blooms starting to appear it makes me think of new beginnings here.

As a result of my recent many hours of therapeutic work I am not going to try to forget the struggles of the past month but instead accept them and try and focus on today and what I can do instead. 

And in the spirit of actually doing something, I am going to start holding myself accountable to make a healthy choice about my gender identidy and what it means.

I am planning to meet with a therapist with experience treating gender dysphoria patients Monday and to try and communicate this as honestly as I can with my spouse. Being open with her is going to be hard and have consequences but I cannot keep just pretending I’m fine when I really am not.  I also researched and found a transgender therapy support group to join that will be starting in a month.  I don’t think I can do this all by myself anymore and asking others is something that I need to keep doing.

Finally, I am going to try and give myself some space to accept the good things about me rather than dwell on everything that I perceive as bad.  That is going to be a toughy but yesterday to celebrate my progress I had a much needed Jaclyn day out and about.  I spoiled myself by finding some rings and a new dress, and pampered myself by getting my brows cleaned and shaped.  It was very emotional up and down day since this was my first outing since the hospital.  I need to do more of these as it feels good to be authentic and happy inside. 

So today I am choosing to pick myself up a little and take a small step back.  Being trans is not an easy journey nor is a straight line I see now.  But hopefully as the sun shines and brings flowers I will too someday bloom as well.

Hugs,

Jaclyn