This morning I feel like I am at a new low point and cannot stop myself from falling back into depressing thoughts. I'm going to try and avoid all people today as I feel so angry that I think I will snap at the shortest thing and that will not help any situation. I drove over an overpass on the way to work today and couldn't help the bad thoughts that crept into my head when I looked over the side.
I hate my "male" therapist and miss being able to go visit Barb and have her talk with Jaclyn. I have stubble growing back on my calves and hands and want to take a knife to them. I want my life not to be so fucked up but there is no escape the horror that being a mistake is each day. I don't know why I ever believed I could be happy and accept myself, I am a freak and a societal outcast and the truth is that I must hide this away forever.
I have to spent next week with my wife's family to celebrate the 4th and have to face all of them at once. I am so worried about this and have this sinking feeling of some gigantic uncomfrotableness and causing more conflict. Things do not get better, nothing does ever in life.
The personal thoughts on the journey out of the closet and accepting myself as a proud transgender individual
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