Thursday, January 13, 2022

Covid sucks

 Hello blog,

I am so fucking sick and tired of Covid.  Wrecking every plan and making me feel so isolated from everyone.  

Last night my wife got a positive test so we are not quarantining until I can get a test which I think will probably show me as positive as well.  If I get it and die maybe that's not to bad so my daughter can collect the insurance money to have a better life.

My wife and I had big arguments this week about taking Hrt and coming out as trans to her sister.  Basically the message was to not be trans or leave.  Since I am pathethic, I have stopped the estrogen and tried to be more "normal".  I think this must be a sign that I am not really trans since I am not able to stand up for myself here.  I am feeling really low and wanting to self-harm again.

Life is such a big pile of shit I don't really care right now about much and don't deserve it.  I am feeling very resigned today and low.

1 comment:

  1. Or is it more a case that you place the value of your relationship above your own needs? I have also made that choice. You can't not be trans, even if you try your best to repress it, but that likely leads to growing feelings of depression and/or resentment which might be equally damaging to both of you. Can you not come to some agreement for periods of 'Jaclyn time', even if it's something you can't share between the two of you?