Saturday, October 16, 2021
Thursday, October 7, 2021
Friday, October 1, 2021
Its strange that time seems to slip away so fast and keeps going faster each year. I am still struggling with my personal fog of gender identity and this seems to preoccupy most of my free thoughts and time here.
In my heart, I feel that need to transition and become genuine and stop hiding but my brain keeps questioning if that is what I want and can handle. I am trying and trying but I feel like the world keeps making less sense to me.
I'm trying the therapy route again and telling myself to be honest and commit to that, but I fret that I will give up before accomplishing anything. Those clouds of despair and self-loathing are returning and I am fighting them but how do you stop a cloud that seeps in everywhere?
I appreciate this blog as I place to write and communicate but I sure miss having some friends in real life. There are so many questions and anxious worries in my head today, I could use that shoulder for crying. I am gonna imagine that and let those tears loose. I hope that helps and pulls me through. I have been starting to think of writing some more, here's the beginning of a current prose.
I wake up, get up, move around
Lost in my head there's fog all around
I want things to be different but I don't
I wish I was with people but alone
This fog has me confused from what's real to me
Think I am a mistake or wired the wrong way
I should be happy for fortunes but would give them all away
Just for the moment of clarity
A moment of peace and contentment
A moment that my head and heart agree for once
A moment to shut out all the noise.