Hello blog -
Yesterday marked an anniversary of sorts for me as it was 5 years ago to the day that I officially came out as Jaclyn to my wife and started to accept being transgender.
These 5 years have had highs and lows and I would be lying if I understood the progress or lack thereof I may have had. It still all is very confusing to me and I wonder where my next steps will lead me.These are the thoughts that have been keeping me awake over the past several nights pondering.
I don't know how to really express the feeling but I feel like I need to do something and take action and that is disconcerting at best. I don't like that feeling but I also don't like the feeling like I am being stuck as well. It may be time to fully commit to transitioning to Jaclyn, but the prospect of losing all that I have is daunting.
Besides that concern, I feel lost in what comes next. I wish there was a transition recipe that I could follow that would guide me through each of these steps because I am so lost here. There are so many worries (big & small) about how I present, how I interact, how I live as a full-time woman that I have no clue about. I wish I had a big sister to lean on here but I think waiting for that to appear would be like waiting forever.
There is just so much that I don't know but I feel like slipping further to insanity if I keep going over and over in my head with all the what ifs and not taking at least an honest attempt ahead.
I need some strength and courage and appreciate having this outlet to lay out my thoughts no matter how rambling and incoherent they may be. I need some help to carry on. I pray I will find it.