Wednesday, June 1, 2016

stuck in the middle

Good morning blog,

As this week I celebrate my unofficial birth of coming out to my family three years ago, I have been doing one of the few things I do best - pondering and dwelling on my situation.

Really it is not healthy and definitely not productive but it is like staring at a car accident, you know you shouldn't but you seem fixed and frozen studying the scene.

I'm not really sure what three years has brought me besides many hours of therapy and listening to how I shouldn't be so depressed and how my childhood issues seem to cause this and that behavior.  I don't even know why I go and talk with anyone since it seems like a big circular conversation and I end up in the same place.

I am still in hiding ,perhaps even more so as I worry and fret about coming out again.  I feel so lonely and down and just wish I had just one live person that I could share and cry on their shoulder.  I feel so weak and lost, and wish I could make things better.

I don't know where I'm going or what I want. I just hate being stuck here in the middle.