Wednesday, June 19, 2024

happy birthday to me

 Hello blog,

Just feeling a little reflective as another birthday is coming up this week here.  Another trip in orbit around around our nearest star and not much to report on for me.

I was hoping a few weeks ago to start spending some honest time with myself trying to figure out who I am or better yet what I want to be.  I feel a little defeated as even though I have written and thought about things I feel I am still no closer to any clarity.  In fact, I feel like I continue to take one or two steps back and feel so disappointed in myself.

I wish I could just get up in the morning and look forward to something rather than the usually drudgery and hate to face another day.  I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about my depression anymore and don't feel I can mentally change from this.  Perhaps this is the state I feel most comfortable, it just makes me cry when I think about it.

Anyways, another day marches on and time to put one foot in front of the other and try to fake it again. I hate that saying fake it until you make it since I don't know where that is or don't think anything will ever change.


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