Anniversary week

Hello blog,

Coming up this week will be the anniversary of my coming out at least to the first people in my life.  Not sure if I can really consider it much since I stay hidden from most people, but it is sort of an anniversary I keep for myself.

Hard to believe that it will be now 11 years since that date and it is always a time I take to reflect and take inventory of my present situation.  Really in the 11 years I feel mostly this situation is unchanged and I feel a bit depressed.

I am not sure if I should consider this a failure or the only state for me as I seem to be unable to move from where I am at.  I have taken small steps forward throughout the years only to come backwards with more second guessing and shame at pretending to be something I am not.

I don't know what I am anymore but also don't know why I can't motivate myself to do anything different. I am just a mess and probably won't be anything more than that.

Happy anniversary Jaclyn.  At least here I have a momentary escape.