Wearing a mask

As Halloween is coming up this weekend, it makes me think of the fun people have with costumes. It's fun to have one night a year where you go out in public to appear and to pretend to be someone different. Knowing this is all make believe and having fun playing the part with others. 

But what if your life is opposite - and instead daily you wear a costume that doesn't feel like you. That is how I feel inside and let me tell you it sucks. I feel trapped in a costume because that is what I am supposed to do. I feel trapped in a costume because that causes less conflict in others and doesn't bring pain to my loved ones. I feel trapped in a costume because I am afraid what will happen if I show my true self. I feel trapped in a costume because, because, well because I keep making excuses. 

I don't look forward to Halloween anymore because it just reminds me that I fake and pretend to be every day of my life. I feel that pressure to be and to pretend is getting too much sometimes and tell myself I am going to make a change and then avoid things.  I hope that somedays I can put down the charade or learn how to live better with both sides of me.  

These are my hopes for today and tomorrow.   
Hugs ~ Jaclyn