wave of feelings

Good morning blog, I feel like in my life I go through periods where I can deny my true self and then there are times that all I can think about is how I can become the real me. I am in the latter phase right now and feel like there is a wave of feelings coming that I am powerless to fight anymore. I have been obsessing over my looks recently - brows, hips, nose, etc. and dreaming of ways to improve them. I haev been dressing regularly again and really am tempted to start investigating hrt and transition plans. I have no support network or way to do this but I currently can only think of it. My brain is getting tired resisting my heart and once I can truly make it believe that I am a woman then I don't think I can turn back again. I need help. I'm not sure what if anything I will do but can't concentrate on anything else.