I'm not crazy

Hello blog,

I just was reading the story about how parents were trying to issue a stop order for a beautiful young woman that will be undergoing SRS in New Hope, PA.  The thing that ticked me off about the unfortunate situation with her parents (really there were many in that article) was that they were trying to use the group on mental incompetence to issue the stop warrant.

As I have been dealing with therapists and members of the mental health community concerning my seeming uncurable depression and anxiety, I was very angry just this week when talking with a doctor concerning my dsyphoria and how he treated it like a mental illness.  I understand that including it in the DSM IV has some beneficial implications in terms of getting the backward american insurance companies and medical community to allow transgender individuals to make things right.  But what I hate is how it seems that because I have dsyphoria I am mentally sick.

Really, I function quite well and feel that I have above average intelligence thank you.  I don't feel my dsyphoria causes me to lose all focus and not be able to cope with things as I have dealt with this my whole life.  And from the other girls I have met in similar situation they seem really mentally stable and well-being especially when they can be in touch with themselves without the world's prejudice.

To me, it honestly feels like the majority of the mental health community is lacking an understanding of gender identity and is either filled with pre-conceived notions that this is some fetish brought on my parental issues or that it is a state of mental instability.  I know this because I have tried to talk and find someone in that community near me that understands and can help with gender dsyphoria to no such luck as of yet.  And I live in a large suburban area with many practicing mental health professionals, I shudder to think of all the issues that someone in a rural community would face.

Just last month when my pysch asked me what medication I think I should be on and I responded t-blockers, it was like deer in the headlights expression he returned.  Then he told me that he didn't even know what ones were and why anyone would even want this.  And he is the supposed transgender specialist in this office!  The rest of the session I felt as if he treated me like I was totally insane to have this feelings and I left feeling so angry, hurt and misunderstood.  I may return just to keep my anti-depressant prescription to deal with my other issues, but I resent having to go back there.

So yes, I am feeling pissed off and angry with this world.  If I hear another person ask me how I feel about Catilyn Jenner because they feel her situation and mine are the same I may just go off.  And while I do not know alot of things in this world, I know I am not crazy.

I'm just lost and sad and trapped in a body I never wanted.  That is not crazy, that is me just accepting and knowing inside who I am.