Thursday, June 14, 2018

Next steps

Hello blog -
Yesterday marked an anniversary of sorts for me as it was 5 years ago to the day that I officially came out as Jaclyn to my wife and started to accept being transgender.

These 5 years have had highs and lows and I would be lying if I understood the progress or lack thereof I may have had.  It still all is very confusing to me and I wonder where my next steps will lead me.These are the thoughts that have been keeping me awake over the past several nights pondering.

I don't know how to really express the feeling but I feel like I need to do something and take action and that is disconcerting at best.  I don't like that feeling but I also don't like the feeling like I am being stuck as well.  It may be time to fully commit to transitioning to Jaclyn, but the prospect of losing all that I have is daunting.

Besides that concern, I feel lost in what comes next.  I wish there was a transition recipe that I could follow that would guide me through each of these steps because I am so lost here.  There are so many worries (big & small) about how I present, how I interact, how I live as a full-time woman that I have no clue about. I wish I had a big sister to lean on here but I think waiting for that to appear would be like waiting forever. 

There is just so much that I don't know but I feel like slipping further to insanity if I keep going over and over in my head with all the what ifs and not taking at least an honest attempt ahead.

I need some strength and courage and appreciate having this outlet to lay out my thoughts no matter how rambling and incoherent they may be.  I need some help to carry on.  I pray I will find it.



  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. I think transgenderism is more complex than anyone knows right now. Science is figuring it out. Regardless of the exact cause it seems to be nature and not nurture based on brain scans.

    I think the problem is one of confusing nomenclature and poor definitions and imprecise language.

    What most people think or say doesn't really matter much. Stupid and ignorant people never understand anything more complex than 1 + 1 = 2.

    I think you will enjoy this song about XY females.

    XY female is probably the most accurate definition. Woman is a loaded word.