Today marks a new start for me or at least a new restart here.
You know I have been struggling and fighting and resisting and crying and just about going out of my wits dealing with my gender identity issues for almost 40 years here. I have gotten to the point where I feel hopeless and then a new sunrise appears. I have felt alone and frightened, then I find friendship and warmth. I have decided that instead of fighting, I am accepting.
You know the saying that a journey of thousands of miles starts with a small step, well I have decided to start HRT again. Of course I don't have any answers and have no clue where my journey leads, and it seems like I am literally going to have to walk to Tibet to get answers or change there.
But this feels right. The warm familiar embrace of the first estrogen pill dissolving felt like a homecoming to me. I really want to transition, need to transition or I don't know what else. I know that I need alot of help here and will try to take each day one at a time but can't help but look ahead down the road and dream.
I dream of day of being free to be me. I so want that day to come.
Hugs,
Jaclyn
Good luck on the path you choose. You've started and I think that can be one of the most difficult parts.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Jaclyn! I know it feels like you’re taking such a huge risk, but the other side of the mountain really is greener. Especially these days, more and more people applaud our being true to ourselves. Being visibly trans is also like a peaceful march with your trans brothers and sisters, showing the world that we are real, valid, and good.
ReplyDeleteMy own estradiol pills are dissolving under my tongue as I write this. It feels so right to be authentic!