Thursday, January 7, 2021

been awhile

 Hello blog...

Been awhile since I've written and since that time I have dealt with depression, anxiety, happiness and depression again.  

I feel so low at the beginning of this year since I have been suppressing myself for so long I forget how it feels to be real. I am feeling that edgeness and pain inside that I can't really describe, it just makes me feel numb to the world and want to cut myself to feel something.  

I feel like such a failure and see myself crashing here but nowhere to turn. I am beyond hoping for the better, I just want to curl up somewhere and hide.

Happy 2021 world.


  1. Use your writing talent, Jacqueline, and blog. It can be quite therapeutic and there are many out there who can share similar thoughts with you.

    Sending a virtual hug.

    Calie xx

  2. Sorry to hear things are so difficult for you right now.❤️

    First off, you are *not* a failure. Yes, you're struggling and yes, it's a bit sh**e right now. It can be really hard to find the energy to be kind to yourself giving all that's going on. But, know that you are doing your best with what you have to deal with. No one can ask more of themselves.

    FWIW, I've had depression in the past and that you've managed to post says something about your drive to still do something. That's amazing given what's going on in your life.

    It can feel like there is only us and that we are lost. I think depression can bring us into darkness and in that, we cannot see those who might help.

    If you can, do get in touch with your GP or a trans support line. The latter have some really good people doing their best. Will this magical fix things? No, but it is somewhere to go and someone to talk to when the days are bad.

    Feel free to stop me a line if you want. ❤️