I am not a disapointment

 Hello blog.

Today with my last day of K treatment for awhile but probably not forever.  I am planning to take a break to re-assess, re-inventory and re-evaluate myself and there is still much work to be done.

Todays big emotional quest was around one of my core misbelief that I am a disappointment to everyone.

I am writing this out to try to remove some of the power of this incorrect thought as rationalizing it out helps me accept that it is not the truth.  I know the source of this thought was taught to me over my entire childhood and that since that time I looked for any small reason to validate it with all my relationships afterwards.  I know that this truth is not something that I ever want to pass along to my child and I may over compensate by telling them over and over how proud they make me feel.

I know alot of things, yet this thought of failure and disappointment goes so deep and is so familiar to my essence that I habitual have repeated this to myself in the past.

That is what the inner peace I am wrangling with today.  In order to change this normal thought pattern, I need to find something to replace it and to unconditionally accept this new truth.

So here goes.  

I have an inner light that brings joy and happiness to others.   I enrich their lives by being part of them as they also enrich mine.  Not everything I do, not everything I say, not everyway I look or react or anything else will always be approved by them and that is ok.  That does not mean that they do not love me, that they judge me or they are disappointed in me overall but may be in an action or part of me.

I have value.  I have self worth and not everyone is going to agree or see it.  I cannot control their thoughts and actions like they cannot control mine.  The world is a better place with me in it.

I am going to probably keep working on this and refining it, but I am also going to keep telling it to myself.

I just need to take things day by day.   

Hugs,
Jaclyn