Good morning blog,
I think one of the things about dealing with a life of gender dsyphoria is that you tend to read a ton of books, blogs, websites, etc. of others whom have gone down this path before.
Lately I have been dealing with the issue others have termed the 'pink fog'. Meaning that after being able to feel free and wonderful and spend time as Jaclyn, I am really struggling with the transition back to my 'normal' life again.
Really inside right now I want to not do that.
I am so so tired of playing this charade with others, I feel so fake and ungenuine trying to be what others want me to be.
I only want to be Jaclyn. Just typing these words makes me feel warm and good inside. There is so much that I want and have no plans or idea how to get there but I want to. I feel inside that I need to as I feel the other life is choking me away.
Am I totally crazy? How do I start this conversation with friends, with co-workers with anyone else outside?
I look in the mirror and it feels so revolting and just thinking about it burns me inside.
I need some help, I just don't know how to do that.
The personal thoughts in a confused journey
Friday, September 2, 2016
Friday, August 5, 2016
Enjoying the summer
Good morning blog,
I wanted to write a few words today as I am in a better mood here. I've had the opportunity to enjoy some me time over the past few weeks and have found it very refreshing. I know I am going to struggle over the next few weeks as my schedule gets busy and time difficult, but for today I am enjoying the high of just being me. For all the women out there that are strong enough to face this each day I still stand in so much awe, and still don't have the fortitude to endure that as much I would dream.
One of the things I enjoy most is going shopping and trying out different looks. This past week I went for a longer dress and attempt at a classy look. No I still don't pull it off but I'll keep practicing until I do.
Anyways, here's to the coming last few weeks of the summer and I'll try to enjoy them if I can.
Hugs, Jaclyn
I wanted to write a few words today as I am in a better mood here. I've had the opportunity to enjoy some me time over the past few weeks and have found it very refreshing. I know I am going to struggle over the next few weeks as my schedule gets busy and time difficult, but for today I am enjoying the high of just being me. For all the women out there that are strong enough to face this each day I still stand in so much awe, and still don't have the fortitude to endure that as much I would dream.
One of the things I enjoy most is going shopping and trying out different looks. This past week I went for a longer dress and attempt at a classy look. No I still don't pull it off but I'll keep practicing until I do.
Anyways, here's to the coming last few weeks of the summer and I'll try to enjoy them if I can.
Hugs, Jaclyn
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Hello blog,
I need to write today because I feel like i am absolutely on the proverbial edge once again. My mind feels so swamped with thoughts and feelings and I feel like just crawling up in a corner to cry. I want some much to be Jaclyn and leave everything else behind, and I can't seem to focus on much else. This is so maddening and crazy and I just want to blurt this outloud to someone and damn the consequences. God I am such a drama queen! I just don't know as I feel like I am heading down a road and can't turn back around. I want to run and stop at the same moment. I am so confused and lost.
I need to write today because I feel like i am absolutely on the proverbial edge once again. My mind feels so swamped with thoughts and feelings and I feel like just crawling up in a corner to cry. I want some much to be Jaclyn and leave everything else behind, and I can't seem to focus on much else. This is so maddening and crazy and I just want to blurt this outloud to someone and damn the consequences. God I am such a drama queen! I just don't know as I feel like I am heading down a road and can't turn back around. I want to run and stop at the same moment. I am so confused and lost.
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