Enjoying the summer

Good morning blog,

I wanted to write a few words today as I am in a better mood here.  I've had the opportunity to enjoy some me time over the past few weeks and have found it very refreshing.  I know I am going to struggle over the next few weeks as my schedule gets busy and time difficult, but for today I am enjoying the high of just being me.  For all the women out there that are strong enough to face this each day I still stand in so much awe, and still don't have the fortitude to endure that as much I would dream.

One of the things I enjoy most is going shopping and trying out different looks.  This past week I went for a longer dress and attempt at a classy look.  No I still don't pull it off but I'll keep practicing until I do.

Anyways, here's to the coming last few weeks of the summer and I'll try to enjoy them if I can.
Hugs, Jaclyn

Hello blog,

I need to write today because I feel like i am absolutely on the proverbial edge once again.  My mind feels so swamped with thoughts and feelings and I feel like just crawling up in a corner to cry.  I want some much to be Jaclyn and leave everything else behind, and I can't seem to focus on much else.  This is so maddening and crazy and I just want to blurt this outloud to someone and damn the consequences.  God I am such a drama queen! I just don't know as I feel like I am heading down a road and can't turn back around.  I want to run and stop at the same moment. I am so confused and lost.

stuck in the middle

Good morning blog,

As this week I celebrate my unofficial birth of coming out to my family three years ago, I have been doing one of the few things I do best - pondering and dwelling on my situation.

Really it is not healthy and definitely not productive but it is like staring at a car accident, you know you shouldn't but you seem fixed and frozen studying the scene.

I'm not really sure what three years has brought me besides many hours of therapy and listening to how I shouldn't be so depressed and how my childhood issues seem to cause this and that behavior.  I don't even know why I go and talk with anyone since it seems like a big circular conversation and I end up in the same place.

I am still in hiding ,perhaps even more so as I worry and fret about coming out again.  I feel so lonely and down and just wish I had just one live person that I could share and cry on their shoulder.  I feel so weak and lost, and wish I could make things better.

I don't know where I'm going or what I want. I just hate being stuck here in the middle.