Yes it has been a busy past week with family here so I haven't had much of a chance to capture my thoughts down here in electronic form. Not to say I haven't been busy, I have been writing and thinking and contemplating alot about myself and trying to decide where I am going. As my counselor says perhaps I am trying to rush into things too quickly but the sitting around and sorting things out has not been my cup of tea.
As I have been so upset at myself for my latest purge, I am already finding it hard not to pick up an item or two and I am on my way to rebuilding again. I miss my auburn hair but I am getting used to my new mid-length look and actually liking the new look.
This week's session was a tough one and basically devolved into me trying to not be so ashamed of myself and to start from there. That is a very tough lesson for me and I am so in awe of all my fellow transgender sisters and brothers out there that seem to have it so much more together. I'm trying each day to get a bit further along there, but I feel so painfully slow along this path. Someday perhaps my little steps will amount to a large distance, but still I need to let go of the railing to actually move forward I believe.
Anywho, I decided to take some Jaclyn time even though it was a fleeting few moments in between a busy time. I've tried to capture some pics to help me feel better of myself, I know that I need so much work and I really rushed the makeup and could use some tweezing for the brows, and so forth, but nonetheless here I am today. I hope someday I will look back a wonderfully beautiful woman and even more than that is that I will feel and know that beautiful feeling on the inside.
Ciao for now. Hugs,
~Jacki
Just read your blog, I am glad you are still bloging and did not give in to those first impulses.. I can not immagine what you have gone through since July but would say tell your wife this is not about her and at some times we must all be true to ourself. This is your time. Let your daughter know that you will always love her, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteKnow that as you continue your journey and write about it you will be helping others in their quest. And yes, you will find that pretty person you are looking for.
Please accept these best wishes from a old man as ships take comfort from the lights of others as they pass in the night.
Mel.